This shoot has a very similar style to shoot 6. It's shot in the woods at night to promote a creepy and mysterious atmosphere, and I am central to the frame. I once again used a slow shutter speed to blur the definition of my body, and therefore my identity in order to reflect on how hazed and confused I feel in times when i'm anxious, as well as the desire to not be myself in those moments.
However, this time I wanted a bit more rawness to the images and so I stripped the images of the dresses I had formerly been wearing and shot this in just my underwear. This offers a more 'real' version of me, a version that has the outer beauty, the masquerade, taken from me. I think the images from this shoot will work well with the images from shoot 6 in a final presentation because it compares a falsified version of me and a more authentic version.
This images were shot on my camera which is rather old and not the best quality, resulting in some grain, however this was done on purpose as it further erases definition from myself as the subject, another layer to look through. I had a torch shined at me while I moved with an 8 second exposure time.
I didn't get quite as many images as I would have liked to, because we heard somebody in the woods and as we were two young girls alone in the dark, one half naked, I didn't want to a. get hurt or b. get arrested.
Each photo below has been minorly adjusted simply using the camera raw editor in photoshop. I wanted the images to still feel raw, but needed to bring out some of the shapes more using the highlights and whites slides, as well as occasionally the clarity slide.
This image isn't the most exciting but I think it could be a rather good representation of my feelings. It's very dark and I appear kind of frozen. It's clear that I am moving slightly and that's there's a slow shutter speed yet I haven't really moved from my spot - i'm just standing there almost accepting i'm going to be looked at. The face is hidden in the darkness to represent the feeling of the loss of identity and isolation, but also means that an audience has only my body to read from to try to understand me. Reading this body language allows a viewer so see how stiff and uncomfortable I appear as they inspect the image. This again represents discomfort in myself when I am experiencing anxiety.
The darkness not only represents the daunting experience of anxiety but also shows the isolation I feel and tend to put myself in because the mental illness makes me think it's what I deserve, further pushing me into that dark place.
This image is similar to the first in terms of a certain stiffness to the image. There's a bit more movement in this image, yet the post seems unnatural and a bit uncomfortable - there's not sign of relaxation. The pose seems a lot more staged than the first, almost showing off the body, the exterior of the person. There's more emphasis on the shape of the body, but there's still no face clearly visible though it does make an appearance as a blur. It seems as if this image is another way of using the outer self to deflect from looking into the inner self.
This image is a lot more interesting to me. She looks as if she's walking out of the frame, to leave the audience in pure darkness. While I didn't actually have her in mind for this image when making it, it appears to be very much like the work of Francesca Woodman in terms of her body language and visuals. In my post about her work, I wrote; "Woodman was interested in ‘un-fixing’ the subjects of her photographs, typically herself ". She seems to become a part of the space, merging into the environment." - and it seems that this image is doing exactly that.
There's a lot more movement, particularly in the arms which partly cover her face. The rest of the face is obscured by darkness, again to hide and show lack of identity. The arms being by her chest and not free and lose shows tension and discomfort, shrinking into oneself almost. This is something I do a lot.
This, in my opinion, is one of the most powerful images from this shoot. There's so much more movement which presents a more hectic feeling to the image. Nothing stays in one place yet you can still tell it's a woman's body in the frame. This movement and hectic feeling represents exactly how I feel - my mind is frantic and feels a bit everywhere and I can't focus properly. Everything moves quickly and I have no time to catch up and I just need my mind to calm down. The face is a little more clear in these images, so much so that you can see the blank expression that sits upon it. This gives a more melancholy feel to the photo, rather than crazy and energised that could have been suggested with the body language. You can also see some parts of my body reasonably clearly, such as my arms which hug by stomach and are also brought to my face, showing uncertainty and comfort in the self - it's a safe place.
I'm not really so keen on this image as it doesn't seem to represent anything that important to this series. What it does represent (darkness and blurred identity) is shown better in other images from this shoot and so i'll doubt i'll use this. This is due to the pose not really showing anything interesting, it's like a mix between walking and standing and I think the others before this were far more successful.
I really love this image and at first I wasn't sure why. But then I realised it's because I look like a dancer in a music box. A figurine with all of her beauty stripped away, leaving her bare. She's not in her natural habitat, she's placed in an environment she does not know. She's always been seen as beautiful and she's surrounded by amazing things, but she finds herself alone and cold in the dark when people aren't looking. That's me with my anxiety. It hits me when i'm alone and things turn dark and horrible. The beautiful box around me is still there but obscured by darkness and scary thoughts. But then you open the box and there I am, in all my glory, and I can see the beauty once more.
For this reason, I think this may be my favourite from this shoot.
This image shows clear discomfort. The body is quite visible compared to some of the other images, which I chose to bring out to show the way I interacted with my body and make that more prominent. I am hugging myself around my waist, a sign of unease and not wanting to be there. Perhaps she's uneasy because of the viewer looking at her in her underwear, which could then make a viewer in return feel a bit of unease and embarrassment for making her feel this way. It has the ability to project the emotions of the model to the viewer.
The model's self-consciousness is the only thing a viewer can look at due to the darkness surrounding her. This darkness amplifies the feeling of isolation and discomfort.
Again, no face is clearly visible, leaving the viewer to only look at her body. I question to myself, why would I want a viewer to look at my body only? And I think the answer is simply because the lack of identity means that this can be anybody. It doesn't have to be me, it could be the viewer, the viewer's friend or family member. I'm not the only one who feels like this. While the project is about me, this series allows me to pretend that this is just a character when in fact it's just a raw version of me and perhaps what people see every day is the character.
This image is another favourite from this shoot because of the creepiness - I look not quite human, yet visibly human at the same time, due to the long exposure giving me extra arms and faces. I look a lot more relaxed in this image, but to the extent that I no longer care. My back is bent back and my arms hang loose, body clearly visible with no attempt to hide it.
The faces are mostly blurred, however one looks directly into the camera with the mouth open, mildly resembling The Scream .
This image represents the monster that I feel takes over me in times of anxiety. This ties in nicely with the title I am thinking about using ; The Beast Within. This image reveals the beast.
This image ended up being quite voyeuristic in nature, which I hadn't intended. The aim for this image was to only shot my back, from which a viewer could tell very little about me, while also representing turning my back on things that are important, or scare me, due to anxiety.
Even when my back is turned, the viewer has something to look at, which may or may not turn them into a voyeur, depending on who they are and how they look at it. All they can see is my bottom and the rest of me is either up to their imagination or the previous representations of myself they've seen in other images.
The white in the underwear can represent purity and innocence which is completely contradicted by the context to why these images are made. This contradiction again offers the idea of the masquerade and performance within women's self-portraits.
This image is one of the ones with a lot of movement. You can see the bottom and shoulders clearly, yet only by their shape, for the whole body is blurred in motion. This again helps create the monster within me as a character, for the face seems to look right at you while the back faces you at the same time - something not humanely possible.
While I think this image is strong for those reasons, I think other images such as the one two before this portray this in a more interesting and accurate to feeling way.
This image again represents the beast within. I decided to make this image a bit colder than the others due to this and I think it really works. It's very human and monstrous at the same time. The underwear is clearly visible, which suggests my gender to an audience, and the rawness of being in my underwear alone in the dark as a women could project vulnerability.
I again have many faces, which play with the idea of the monster as well as the masquerade which can present my identity as I wish. The identity here is absent due to no clear face or body.
This image is much less confrontational that the other 'monster' images from this shoot, which is why I don't like it as much. The confrontation is there to make a viewer aware of it and make them feel the unease that I do, and this doesn't offer that.
In conclusion, this shoot was very successful. My favourites were 3, 4, 6, 7 and 8. At this time I don't know which, if any, i'll use in my final presentation but those are my shortlisted images that will be picked from to create the best narrative and final piece visually.
I definitely will be doing another shoot similar to this due to how successful I found it, and how raw the images are. There's a possibility I use one from the dress shoot in this environment, one from this shoot and one from the next shoot where I plan to be completely nude, to represent layers or reality and falsification.
These images as a whole represent rawness, pain, discomfort and self-consciousness, as well as presenting a character to represent my feelings. The character is me, but a twisted version of me.
However, this time I wanted a bit more rawness to the images and so I stripped the images of the dresses I had formerly been wearing and shot this in just my underwear. This offers a more 'real' version of me, a version that has the outer beauty, the masquerade, taken from me. I think the images from this shoot will work well with the images from shoot 6 in a final presentation because it compares a falsified version of me and a more authentic version.
This images were shot on my camera which is rather old and not the best quality, resulting in some grain, however this was done on purpose as it further erases definition from myself as the subject, another layer to look through. I had a torch shined at me while I moved with an 8 second exposure time.
I didn't get quite as many images as I would have liked to, because we heard somebody in the woods and as we were two young girls alone in the dark, one half naked, I didn't want to a. get hurt or b. get arrested.
Each photo below has been minorly adjusted simply using the camera raw editor in photoshop. I wanted the images to still feel raw, but needed to bring out some of the shapes more using the highlights and whites slides, as well as occasionally the clarity slide.
This image isn't the most exciting but I think it could be a rather good representation of my feelings. It's very dark and I appear kind of frozen. It's clear that I am moving slightly and that's there's a slow shutter speed yet I haven't really moved from my spot - i'm just standing there almost accepting i'm going to be looked at. The face is hidden in the darkness to represent the feeling of the loss of identity and isolation, but also means that an audience has only my body to read from to try to understand me. Reading this body language allows a viewer so see how stiff and uncomfortable I appear as they inspect the image. This again represents discomfort in myself when I am experiencing anxiety.
The darkness not only represents the daunting experience of anxiety but also shows the isolation I feel and tend to put myself in because the mental illness makes me think it's what I deserve, further pushing me into that dark place.
This image is similar to the first in terms of a certain stiffness to the image. There's a bit more movement in this image, yet the post seems unnatural and a bit uncomfortable - there's not sign of relaxation. The pose seems a lot more staged than the first, almost showing off the body, the exterior of the person. There's more emphasis on the shape of the body, but there's still no face clearly visible though it does make an appearance as a blur. It seems as if this image is another way of using the outer self to deflect from looking into the inner self.
This image is a lot more interesting to me. She looks as if she's walking out of the frame, to leave the audience in pure darkness. While I didn't actually have her in mind for this image when making it, it appears to be very much like the work of Francesca Woodman in terms of her body language and visuals. In my post about her work, I wrote; "Woodman was interested in ‘un-fixing’ the subjects of her photographs, typically herself ". She seems to become a part of the space, merging into the environment." - and it seems that this image is doing exactly that.
There's a lot more movement, particularly in the arms which partly cover her face. The rest of the face is obscured by darkness, again to hide and show lack of identity. The arms being by her chest and not free and lose shows tension and discomfort, shrinking into oneself almost. This is something I do a lot.
This, in my opinion, is one of the most powerful images from this shoot. There's so much more movement which presents a more hectic feeling to the image. Nothing stays in one place yet you can still tell it's a woman's body in the frame. This movement and hectic feeling represents exactly how I feel - my mind is frantic and feels a bit everywhere and I can't focus properly. Everything moves quickly and I have no time to catch up and I just need my mind to calm down. The face is a little more clear in these images, so much so that you can see the blank expression that sits upon it. This gives a more melancholy feel to the photo, rather than crazy and energised that could have been suggested with the body language. You can also see some parts of my body reasonably clearly, such as my arms which hug by stomach and are also brought to my face, showing uncertainty and comfort in the self - it's a safe place.
I'm not really so keen on this image as it doesn't seem to represent anything that important to this series. What it does represent (darkness and blurred identity) is shown better in other images from this shoot and so i'll doubt i'll use this. This is due to the pose not really showing anything interesting, it's like a mix between walking and standing and I think the others before this were far more successful.
I really love this image and at first I wasn't sure why. But then I realised it's because I look like a dancer in a music box. A figurine with all of her beauty stripped away, leaving her bare. She's not in her natural habitat, she's placed in an environment she does not know. She's always been seen as beautiful and she's surrounded by amazing things, but she finds herself alone and cold in the dark when people aren't looking. That's me with my anxiety. It hits me when i'm alone and things turn dark and horrible. The beautiful box around me is still there but obscured by darkness and scary thoughts. But then you open the box and there I am, in all my glory, and I can see the beauty once more.
For this reason, I think this may be my favourite from this shoot.
This image shows clear discomfort. The body is quite visible compared to some of the other images, which I chose to bring out to show the way I interacted with my body and make that more prominent. I am hugging myself around my waist, a sign of unease and not wanting to be there. Perhaps she's uneasy because of the viewer looking at her in her underwear, which could then make a viewer in return feel a bit of unease and embarrassment for making her feel this way. It has the ability to project the emotions of the model to the viewer.
The model's self-consciousness is the only thing a viewer can look at due to the darkness surrounding her. This darkness amplifies the feeling of isolation and discomfort.
Again, no face is clearly visible, leaving the viewer to only look at her body. I question to myself, why would I want a viewer to look at my body only? And I think the answer is simply because the lack of identity means that this can be anybody. It doesn't have to be me, it could be the viewer, the viewer's friend or family member. I'm not the only one who feels like this. While the project is about me, this series allows me to pretend that this is just a character when in fact it's just a raw version of me and perhaps what people see every day is the character.
The faces are mostly blurred, however one looks directly into the camera with the mouth open, mildly resembling The Scream .
This image represents the monster that I feel takes over me in times of anxiety. This ties in nicely with the title I am thinking about using ; The Beast Within. This image reveals the beast.
This image ended up being quite voyeuristic in nature, which I hadn't intended. The aim for this image was to only shot my back, from which a viewer could tell very little about me, while also representing turning my back on things that are important, or scare me, due to anxiety.
Even when my back is turned, the viewer has something to look at, which may or may not turn them into a voyeur, depending on who they are and how they look at it. All they can see is my bottom and the rest of me is either up to their imagination or the previous representations of myself they've seen in other images.
The white in the underwear can represent purity and innocence which is completely contradicted by the context to why these images are made. This contradiction again offers the idea of the masquerade and performance within women's self-portraits.
This image is one of the ones with a lot of movement. You can see the bottom and shoulders clearly, yet only by their shape, for the whole body is blurred in motion. This again helps create the monster within me as a character, for the face seems to look right at you while the back faces you at the same time - something not humanely possible.
While I think this image is strong for those reasons, I think other images such as the one two before this portray this in a more interesting and accurate to feeling way.
This image again represents the beast within. I decided to make this image a bit colder than the others due to this and I think it really works. It's very human and monstrous at the same time. The underwear is clearly visible, which suggests my gender to an audience, and the rawness of being in my underwear alone in the dark as a women could project vulnerability.
I again have many faces, which play with the idea of the monster as well as the masquerade which can present my identity as I wish. The identity here is absent due to no clear face or body.
This image is much less confrontational that the other 'monster' images from this shoot, which is why I don't like it as much. The confrontation is there to make a viewer aware of it and make them feel the unease that I do, and this doesn't offer that.
In conclusion, this shoot was very successful. My favourites were 3, 4, 6, 7 and 8. At this time I don't know which, if any, i'll use in my final presentation but those are my shortlisted images that will be picked from to create the best narrative and final piece visually.
I definitely will be doing another shoot similar to this due to how successful I found it, and how raw the images are. There's a possibility I use one from the dress shoot in this environment, one from this shoot and one from the next shoot where I plan to be completely nude, to represent layers or reality and falsification.
These images as a whole represent rawness, pain, discomfort and self-consciousness, as well as presenting a character to represent my feelings. The character is me, but a twisted version of me.
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